Excuse Me If I Smash Your Phone

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
And dump it down the drain.
We really do not want to hear,
‘Hello, I’m on the train.’

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
I know you’re on this train.
And I’m really not that interested,
In your week-long trip to Spain.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
The Quiet Zone should do it.
I’d like to splice it from your ear,
And let my shredder chew it.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
Your ailments make me sick.
You’d better hide it in your bag,
Or I’ll grab it double quick.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
Your eyes don’t leave the screen.
We’re on a date, our eyes should meet,
Are mine blue, or brown or green?

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
And dump it in the bin.
Its silly jingle woke me up,
And made an awful din.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
But this is better, honey.
I’ll take it, dial overseas,
And cost you lots of money.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
They should legislate against them.
Make a law, impose some fines,
But for now I’ll gladly smash ‘em!

From Should I Wear Floral (and other poems on Life, Love and Leaving) by Di Castle (illustrated by Denise Horn)

Should I Wear Floral and other poems takes a humorous peek at life, love and leaving during many changes in society over the last twenty-five years, FLORAL COVER PICwhile also celebrating landmark events in Britain.
Included are more personal fun verses written for family birthdays, weddings, and funerals and adapted for this book.

From the irritations of mobile phones, holiday air flights, weight gain, the ageing process and stages of life to the joys of love and marriage, the quirks of retirement and sadness of separation and loss, these poems open a window on many familiar situations everyone will recognise

The work by illustrator Denise Horn, has been likened in reviews to that of EH Sheppard of the
A A Milne books and her hilarious, laugh-out-loud illustrations again capture the essence of every poem.

About Di
I am a writer living in Swanage. Born and bred in Hertfordshire, I always
had a love of words, writing as soon as I could hold a pen. My sister is
profoundly deaf and I have a passionate interest in raising deaf awareness.
After my youngest daughter went to school I began a career teaching in
Further Education, while collecting a hoard of unfinished manuscripts.
Later, my writing took precedence and, since becoming a regular attendee at
the Winchester Writers’ Conference, I have enjoyed success in their
competitions gaining two first prizes and highly commended awards for
articles on a range of subjects. I began blogging in 2012 and as well as
issues surrounding deafness I blog on mental health, dyslexia, writing and
anything topical that stirs me to fire up the computer.

My poetry collection, Grandma’s Poetry Book, was self-published by Matador in November 2014. I have other books in progress and there is interest from agents in my memoir of growing up with a deaf sibling. Before moving to Swanage in 2001, I enjoyed a nomadic existence in Oxfordshire, Hertfordshire, Middlesex and South Bucks.

I live close to my partner, Bryan, in a Victorian building overlooking
Swanage Bay with views towards Bournemouth and Old Harry Rocks. I have three
daughters and seven grandchildren.

I published Grandma’s Poetry Book in 2014, Should I Wear Floral And Other Poems on Life Love and Leaving in 2017 and have written for websites such as http://www.henpicked.net, http://www.oapschat.co.uk , Gransnet and Depression Alliance.

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