The Imposter

The following is one of my favourite poems from Grandma’s Poetry Book. It is from the final draft and may differ slightly to the published version.

There are approximately 57 others in the book charting the development, milestones and not-to-be-forgotten moments.

The Imposter

The first time I collected you

From nursery at 3.

Your mummy left a photograph

To prove that I was me.

I thought I’d wear my Sunday best

So wore my new fur hat,

Introduced myself politely,

Then waited on the mat.

The staff looked rather puzzled,

When you refused to chat.

But you just didn’t know me.

You’d not seen me like that!

The staff were sure this was not Nan,

Not like her picture she.

But then I saw the picture

Did not flatter me.

So I took my hat and coat off.

Your face smiled so appealing.

The staff stopped dialling 999

To report me for child stealing.

Next time I went to nursery,

I wore my jeans and scarf.

I talked to all the mothers,

Letting off my raucous laugh.

No problem recognising then

Your Nan who came to call.

Now she was looking scruffy

And not speaking in posh drawl.

So here’s a lesson from my plight

If you a Nanny are.

Just turn up in your old clothes.

Leave your teeth home in a jar!

And then you’ll be so popular,

Your tot to you will run,

Throw arms around you, shout out ‘Nan!’

Now who’s the lucky one?



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