Christmas, birthdays, celebration treats!
Funerals, Weddings, Family meets!
Mum always stressed about the food
Dad always in a grumpy mood.
Grandma didn’t want to come
Dad didn’t want his in-law mum.
Then a row between the brothers
On who got what from departed others.
Baby sicks up on fluffy rug
Grandma laughs and drops beer mug.
Dad shouts ‘You won’t come again!’
Grandma cheers, laughs like a drain.
Rants ‘Rue the day you met my daughter!’
Dad calls police just to thwart her.
Police take Grandma to a cell
Refuse to take the kids as well.
Now Mum and Dad do row a lot
About Gran’s bail and who pays what!
Dad says ‘she aint worth a penny’
And Mum, at Christmas, hasn’t any.
So Grandma stays in cell for season!
Laughs to herself for real good reason.
No more celebration ‘do’!
Queue, as uncle’s drunk in loo.
No looking daft as deaf aid’s broken
And cannot hear the words they’ve spoken.
No more sitting in the corner
With foot in mouth as no-one warned her.
And never’s better than being late
With that daughter’s good-for-nothing mate!
Next year before that celebration
Someone please plan arbitration.