Excuse Me If I Smash Your Phone

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
And dump it down the drain.
We really do not want to hear,
‘Hello, I’m on the train.’

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
I know you’re on this train.
And I’m really not that interested,
In your week-long trip to Spain.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
The Quiet Zone should do it.
I’d like to splice it from your ear,
And let my shredder chew it.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
Your ailments make me sick.
You’d better hide it in your bag,
Or I’ll grab it double quick.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
Your eyes don’t leave the screen.
We’re on a date, our eyes should meet,
Are mine blue, or brown or green?

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
And dump it in the bin.
Its silly jingle woke me up,
And made an awful din.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
But this is better, honey.
I’ll take it, dial overseas,
And cost you lots of money.

Excuse me if I smash your phone,
They should legislate against them.
Make a law, impose some fines,
But for now I’ll gladly smash ‘em!

From Should I Wear Floral (and other poems on Life, Love and Leaving) by Di Castle (illustrated by Denise Horn)

Should I Wear Floral and other poems takes a humorous peek at life, love and leaving during many changes in society over the last twenty-five years, FLORAL COVER PICwhile also celebrating landmark events in Britain.
Included are more personal fun verses written for family birthdays, weddings, and funerals and adapted for this book.

From the irritations of mobile phones, holiday air flights, weight gain, the ageing process and stages of life to the joys of love and marriage, the quirks of retirement and sadness of separation and loss, these poems open a window on many familiar situations everyone will recognise

The work by illustrator Denise Horn, has been likened in reviews to that of EH Sheppard of the
A A Milne books and her hilarious, laugh-out-loud illustrations again capture the essence of every poem.

About Di
I am a writer living in Swanage. Born and bred in Hertfordshire, I always
had a love of words, writing as soon as I could hold a pen. My sister is
profoundly deaf and I have a passionate interest in raising deaf awareness.
After my youngest daughter went to school I began a career teaching in
Further Education, while collecting a hoard of unfinished manuscripts.
Later, my writing took precedence and, since becoming a regular attendee at
the Winchester Writers’ Conference, I have enjoyed success in their
competitions gaining two first prizes and highly commended awards for
articles on a range of subjects. I began blogging in 2012 and as well as
issues surrounding deafness I blog on mental health, dyslexia, writing and
anything topical that stirs me to fire up the computer.

My poetry collection, Grandma’s Poetry Book, was self-published by Matador in November 2014. I have other books in progress and there is interest from agents in my memoir of growing up with a deaf sibling. Before moving to Swanage in 2001, I enjoyed a nomadic existence in Oxfordshire, Hertfordshire, Middlesex and South Bucks.

I live close to my partner, Bryan, in a Victorian building overlooking
Swanage Bay with views towards Bournemouth and Old Harry Rocks. I have three
daughters and seven grandchildren.

I published Grandma’s Poetry Book in 2014, Should I Wear Floral And Other Poems on Life Love and Leaving in 2017 and have written for websites such as http://www.henpicked.net, http://www.oapschat.co.uk , Gransnet and Depression Alliance.

Advertisements

Look Down Generation (2015)

The Look Down Generation
Ignores the clear blue sky.
They look down, look down, look down,
As life is passing by.

The Look Down Generation
Logged in and in the Cloud.
Sh, sh, I’ve got the Wifi.
Just wait. Don’t speak so loud.

The Look Down Generation’s here.
Mum, one-handed, in the road.
Her precious pramload heading
For a lorry’s dangerous load.

Look Down Generation scowls.
They’ve forgotten how to smile.
They’ve forgotten how to talk.
They look down all the while.

Written English out of date.
Shorter, shorter r 2 b.
The only words the look-downs know
Won’t win a spelling bee.

Look down, look down, look down,
On Kindle, app or phone.
Look down, look down, look down,
In a world you’ve made your own.

Look down, look down, look down,
Reading from a text.
Social skills have gone awry,
Leaving all quite vexed.

Laptop, iPad, mobile too,
Facebook, email, twitter.
Thumbing, reading, flicking, laughing.
Can’t relax, they’re all a jitter.

Tapping, texting, tagging, timeline,
Adding pictures pressing send.
YouTube, blogs, loads of links.
The world is going round the bend.

The Look Down Generation –
Their baby’s looking sad.
They’d rather read a Facebook post
Than chat and make her glad.

The mums don’t talk to babies.
They’re simply looking down.
Joy now comes from smileys
And Facebook shares in town.

Girl looks down, won’t speak to me.
Looking cross, thoughts interrupted.
No time, when asked the way,
Her phone time now disrupted.

Then, jingle, jingle, answer now.
Face time with redundant ear,
Talking loudly, fast and fiery
Flirty talk that all can hear.

Free hand wiggles on the screen.
Not a word to child.
Snapchat, Instagram and Linked.
A lonely world gone wild.

37 Look Down Generation.jpg

From Should I Wear Floral (and other poems on Life, Love and Leaving) by Di Castle (illustrated by Denise Horn)

Should I Wear Floral and other poems takes a humorous peek at life, love and leaving during many changes in society over the last twenty-five years, FLORAL COVER PICwhile also celebrating landmark events in Britain.
Included are more personal fun verses written for family birthdays, weddings, and funerals
and adapted for this book.

The work by illustrator Denise Horn, has been likened in reviews to that of EH Sheppard of the
A A Milne books and her hilarious, laugh-out-loud illustrations again capture the essence of every poem.
From the irritations of mobile phones, holiday air flights, weight gain, the ageing process and stages of life to the joys of love and marriage, the quirks of retirement and sadness of separation and loss, these poems open a window on many familiar situations everyone will recognise

About Di
I am a writer living in Swanage. Born and bred in Hertfordshire, I always
had a love of words, writing as soon as I could hold a pen. My sister is
profoundly deaf and I have a passionate interest in raising deaf awareness.
After my youngest daughter went to school I began a career teaching in
Further Education, while collecting a hoard of unfinished manuscripts.
Later, my writing took precedence and, since becoming a regular attendee at
the Winchester Writers’ Conference, I have enjoyed success in their
competitions gaining two first prizes and highly commended awards for
articles on a range of subjects. I began blogging in 2012 and as well as
issues surrounding deafness I blog on mental health, dyslexia, writing and
anything topical that stirs me to fire up the computer. You can read my
blogs here: http://www.dicastlewriter.wordpress.com. My poetry collection, Grandma’s
Poetry Book, was self-published by Matador in November 2014. I have other
books in progress and there is interest from agents in my memoir of growing
up with a deaf sibling. Before moving to Swanage in 2001, I enjoyed a
nomadic existence in Oxfordshire, Hertfordshire, Middlesex and South Bucks.
I live close to my partner, Bryan, in a Victorian building overlooking
Swanage Bay with views towards Bournemouth and Old Harry Rocks. I have three
daughters and seven grandchildren.

I published Grandma’s Poetry Book in 2014, Should I Wear Floral And Other Poems on Life Love and Leaving in 2017 and have written for websites such as http://www.henpicked.net, http://www.oapschat.co.uk , Gransnet and Depression Alliance.

Princess Diana

Royal Memories

August 1997

Seems yesterday that August night
Our English Rose lost her light.
A royal mother lost in France.
An accident or… perhaps just chance?
Two men still wonder ‘Why take her’?
As papers, radio, tv infer.
Driven to death, last fast chase.
Media rueing loss of face.

Kensington Gardens, the flowers adorned
Laid by those who came and mourned.
In disbelief they stood and gazed
Deep in thought, time erased.

Two friends to London on a train.
September light and passing refrain.
Reflecting on the news forlorn
Sad grey Sunday, death at dawn.

Before us the Palace, its presence frigid,
She tried; her brief light easing the rigid.
Flowers strewn, notes lit with kisses.
Our light snuffed out, so much she misses.

Then gun carriage for her bed.
Father, sons and husband led.
Westminster Abbey – a brother’s pain.
A light we shall not see again.

Sad royal life ended young.
Lumps in throats when hymns are sung.
Tears from thousands flocking to see
A pageant of our royalty.

Lining route – a silent crowd.
Flowers are thrown and heads are bowed.
No more light on lovely face.
Althorp’s lake her resting place.

From Should I Wear Floral (and other poems on Life, Love and Leaving) by Di Castle (illustrated by Denise Horn)

Should I Wear Floral and other poems takes a humorous peek at life, love and leaving during many changes in society over the last twenty-five years, FLORAL COVER PICwhile also celebrating landmark events in Britain.
Included are more personal fun verses written for family birthdays, weddings, and funerals
and adapted for this book.

The work by illustrator Denise Horn, has been likened in reviews to that of EH Sheppard of the
A A Milne books and her hilarious, laugh-out-loud illustrations again capture the essence of every poem.
From the irritations of mobile phones, holiday air flights, weight gain, the ageing process and stages of life to the joys of love and marriage, the quirks of retirement and sadness of separation and loss, these poems open a window on many familiar situations everyone will recognise

About Di
I am a writer living in Swanage. Born and bred in Hertfordshire, I always
had a love of words, writing as soon as I could hold a pen. My sister is
profoundly deaf and I have a passionate interest in raising deaf awareness.
After my youngest daughter went to school I began a career teaching in
Further Education, while collecting a hoard of unfinished manuscripts.
Later, my writing took precedence and, since becoming a regular attendee at
the Winchester Writers’ Conference, I have enjoyed success in their
competitions gaining two first prizes and highly commended awards for
articles on a range of subjects. I began blogging in 2012 and as well as
issues surrounding deafness I blog on mental health, dyslexia, writing and
anything topical that stirs me to fire up the computer. You can read my
blogs here: http://www.dicastlewriter.wordpress.com. My poetry collection, Grandma’s
Poetry Book, was self-published by Matador in November 2014. I have other
books in progress and there is interest from agents in my memoir of growing
up with a deaf sibling. Before moving to Swanage in 2001, I enjoyed a
nomadic existence in Oxfordshire, Hertfordshire, Middlesex and South Bucks.
I live close to my partner, Bryan, in a Victorian building overlooking
Swanage Bay with views towards Bournemouth and Old Harry Rocks. I have three
daughters and seven grandchildren.

I published Grandma’s Poetry Book in 2014, Should I Wear Floral And Other Poems on Life Love and Leaving in 2017 and have written for websites such as http://www.henpicked.net, http://www.oapschat.co.uk , Gransnet and Depression Alliance.

The Ingredients of Love

Wonderful book and here is my Goodreads review

A lovely read, very engaging and amusing. Set in Paris on the day she is dumped Aurelie comes across a book which contains a scene from her restaurant and the character is herself. She tries to contact the author but the editor at the publishing company is not helpful. We know early on that the editor, Andre, actually wrote the book and the story is about his attempts to thwart Aurelie’s wish to meet the non existent author. Surprised at the poor reviews and low ratings as I found it unputdownable.

for a longer review look at my Book Blog  http://www.disbookblog.wordpress.com
<a href=”https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/8225358-di-castle”>View all my reviews</a>

 

 

 

 

 

 

Procrastination

Procrastination is the thief of time – Edward Young

Procrastination the bug bear of creative life

Last year my writers’ group had a theme of Procrastination. The night before the meeting crisis management hit me full force. I’d had two weeks between meetings and the list was months old.

Of course I was I was going to write it the week before, after the washing, the ironing and tidying. I’d do it after hoovering the lounge of the biscuit crumbs the cat rejects, unlike my previous canines who ensured my carpet was always clean of tasty droppings. I would write it, I promised, after the early night, the late night watching Question Time, the reading in bed night and the hour spent reading on the sofa.  I’d do it after writing another blog post.

The trouble with procrastination is it clogs up your memory. There are so many things to do and written masterpieces to finish off … some time … later .. tomorrow … next week … this evening, etc, etc.  The thought ‘I will put that in my diary’ leads me to open it and see that I have forgotten something else – ah well, I will email an apology later … or this evening … whenever – and I find a hair appointment clash. My diary is the victim of my procrastination. When I agree to something I  will put it in the diary later …  when I get home … tonight … or more likely, when I find it. Every job put off is another one to clog the brain.

As a teacher I worked from my ‘to-do list’ every day. It is difficult to procrastinate in teaching as there are syllabus and exam requirements knocking at the door and lessons cannot start ‘whenever’ but on the dot. Perhaps that is why, now, as a retired teacher and a writer, I procrastinate so much. It is because I CAN.

Years ago Staff Development included a Time Management Course. We were told only to touch a piece of paper once. Then read it, file it or bin it. Never put it to one side and pick it up again. Of course, that doesn’t work for a writer.  Imagine reading your first chapter through and filing it or deciding it is no good and binning it.  A constant writing mantra is nothing is wasted and a writer should never discard what might be useful later. So I CAN procrastinate. I may even improve the piece if I wait and think it over.

According to TM theory if you leave your intray long enough, the chances are many things will have answered themselves or not need answering. Everything will have moved on. Most papers will be out of date. It does work. Remember if you really wanted to reply you would have done so. It works with special offers as well, I can vouch for that. I am always coming across out of date vouchers.

Julia Cameron writes of procrastination in The Artists’ Way. We tend to look to the big picture such as ‘I want to write a book’ without making many small creative changes to keep working in the moment. Much better than seeing the WHOLE book as something unachievable. Rather than take scary baby steps, we rush to the cliff and stand there quaking.  For example, we waste thinking time such as ‘If I finish the book, how will I market it?’

In today’s media frenzied world and the vast possibilities in life we have so many choices. There are numerous groups, endless fitness classes and as well as the corner shop there are several supermarkets enticing us with special offers and, failing that, we can motor further afield and join the Aldi or Lidl crowds.  At home, we can watch hundreds of television channels, record two programmes while watching a third, we have radio, overflowing libraries and e readers.  Now, don’t start me on that one as I just can’t get on with screen reading. Even the Help menu doesn’t understand so I need to ask someone … tomorrow … next week?  Give me a book please!

Procrastination does have advantages as, like Time Management theory it allows you to leave some tasks which may, in fact, be unnecessary. For example, writers have at their fingertips an endless supply of websites and social media to promote themselves. If we pursued them all we would never get any writing done. So to stay sane, procrastinate and allow a limited time for each one. Twenty minutes on Twitter and put off those other tweets til tomorrow, otherwise the whole evening will have disappeared. Or sign up for Tweetdeck. It saved my sanity.

As for followers on our blogs, learning to filter out the really useful is an art in itself. The art of scanning a post is essential. If the article is by one of your followers or those you follow, then you need to comment.

Oh dear when will I ever have time for dinner? Well …… I could have it later I suppose.

My debut, Grandma’s  Poetry Book, is available by post via dcastle32@talktalk.net or on my website http://www.dicastle.co.uk .

This poetry collection spans sixteen years capturing the experience of a first-time grandmother on her sometimes wobbly journey in her new role. It includes many facets of unmissable moments and childhood milestones, some humorous and others more poignant, even sad.  Such treasured times can easily be forgotten so the book acts as a nostalgic memoir. Touching and funny in turn, readers will be reminded of the joys of witnessing childhood development and the effect o n their own lives. Even those yet to reach grandparenthood including fathers, aunties and primary school children have already enjoyed reading this book. Grandma’s Poetry Book makes an ideal gift for new grandparents, birthdays, Christmas and Mothers’ Day and many readers have returned to buy more copies for friends and relations. Each poem has its own laugh-out-loud illustration by an artist who has been likened to E H Sheppard.

Some comments have included ‘Pam Ayres meets Winnie the Pooh’, ‘made me laugh, made me cry’, ‘charming book’ and ‘every grandparent should have one’.

OUT SOON  SHOULD I WEAR FLORAL and other poems on Life, Love and Leaving, By Di Castle and illustrated by Denise Horn.

You can follow me on twitter @dinahcas and on Facebook   https://www.facebook.com/pages/Di-Castle-Writer/266866193324409

 

 

 

 

 

They’re Always There

How many times have you thought that the most irritating people seem to seek you out and cause annoyance? Quite often I would think.  The following poem is from Should I Wear Floral and other poems on Life, Love and Leaving due out on 28th April

 They’re Always There

 

They’re always there

Tattooed men and yobs so loud

The iphones, and the ding ding ring

The scruffy looking crowd.

 

They’re always there on rush hour trains

The teens, the mobile addict pains.

Gurgly coughs and throaty laughs.

Stomach burps not done in halves.

 

They’re always there, with noisy kids

People who click, click coffee cup lids.

And slurp and burp, blow bubbles through straws

Chew and crunch apples in their jaws.

 

They’re always there, the kids on our bus

With noses oozing streams of pus.

One is wailing, ‘want a wee’

Too late, it’s dribbling … right near me.

 

They’re always there, at the beach near us

With children who scream and make lots of fuss.

Then dig dry sand and let it fly

Floating upwards into your eye.

 

They’re always there, too close on the beach

With parents shouting within our reach.

They pitch their tent, then start to smoke.

Ignore us when we cough and choke.

 

When wet they shelter in our doors

Let dogs jump up with dirty paws.

Dripping cagoules and stinky shoes

Black bag ready for puppy’s poos.

 

They always park up tight alongside

Whenever we drive to park and ride.

Despite the vacant fifty spaces

They’ve passed with blank and blinkered faces.

 

They’re always there in the waiting room

The know-it-all and speakers of doom.

Mindless, endless, brainless chatter

Airing views on senseless matter.

 

They’re always there with big loud voices

Discussing at length their pub food choices

The winner is a yawning bore.

Whatever you’ve got, he’s got more.

 

They’re always there, in the restaurant,

Laughing and shouting for what they want.

They’re always there, at parents’ night

Telling all their kids are bright.

 

They’re always there in the shopping queue

Their trolley gently nudging you.

Terminal refuses the card ahead

As they try three more, you wish them dead!

© Di Castle

To pre-order go to to http://www.dicastle.co.uk

My debut, Grandma’s  Poetry Book, is available by post via dcastle32@talktalk.net or on my website http://www.dicastle.co.uk .

This poetry collection spans sixteen years capturing the experience of a first-time grandmother on her sometimes wobbly journey in her new role. It includes many facets of unmissable moments and childhood milestones, some humorous and others more poignant, even sad.  Such treasured times can easily be forgotten so the book acts as a nostalgic memoir. Touching and funny in turn, readers will be reminded of the joys of witnessing childhood development and the effect o n their own lives. Even those yet to reach grandparenthood including fathers, aunties and primary school children have already enjoyed reading this book. Grandma’s Poetry Book makes an ideal gift for new grandparents, birthdays, Christmas and Mothers’ Day and many readers have returned to buy more copies for friends and relations. Each poem has its own laugh-out-loud illustration by an artist who has been likened to E H Sheppard.

Some comments have included ‘Pam Ayres meets Winnie the Pooh’, ‘made me laugh, made me cry’, ‘charming book’ and ‘every grandparent should have one’.

OUT SOON  SHOULD I WEAR FLORAL and other poems on Life, Love and Leaving, By Di Castle and illustrated by Denise Horn.

You can follow me on twitter @dinahcas and on Facebook   https://www.facebook.com/pages/Di-Castle-Writer/266866193324409

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sopranos

Never say you are only in the chorus because without a chorus there is no show!

The following poem comes from

Should I Wear Floral and Other Poems on Life, Love and Leaving 

© Di Castle

to be published in April by Matador and is dedicated to all those hardworking thespians who are preparing to go on stage either in a play or in a musical. I think most people will identify with the sentiments.

Sopranos

(with apologies to Gilbert and Sulllivan)

We are the very model of the Operatic chorus sops.

Who put on great performances, that buzz… until the

curtain drops.

We take all our instructions with a duty so reliable.

We need to get it right so all reviews are good and

viable.

Our leader is so cheerful that she keeps us feeling up, you

know.

We Operatic chorus sops preparing for our brand new

show.

Our leader gets us going and she really is incredible

Withstanding interferences from some you might call

‘meddle bull’.

Withstanding interferences from some you might call ‘meddle bull’

The pianist is playing hard and covering up mistakes, you

know,

And costume lady’s running round with measure tape

and things to sew.

Treasurer is selling tickets, sorting stats to fill each row

We’re Operatic chorus sops preparing for our brand new

show.

We’re very good at singing when we have the words in

front of us

But leader says to face the front and leave the sheet away

from us.

She says we sing it once or twice and then we’re told again

to go

We hope this all gets sorted before April when the show’s

in flow

We hope that this gets sorted before April when the show’s in

flow.

We don’t think we are ready for a show that soon will go

on stage.

We are still learning words, crescendos, breathing and…

must hold the page.

And now we’re told to move around, our brains go into

overload,

We cannot do it all without us going into overload.

We cannot do it all without us going into overload.

We have to make a hat that now is looking very

complicate,

For singing Ascot whatsit and we mustn’t walk on much

too late.

Yes, singing Ascot whatsit is what really makes our brains

go pops,

We mustn’t come on late or find ourselves on stage

without our props.

In short we mustn’t come on late or find ourselves without our

props.

We are the very model of the Operatic chorus sops.

Put at the back if we’re too fat and old and grey in case

we flop

We miss our cues, forget our words and cannot dance like

dainty birds

And now conductor splits us up into three groups he calls

three thirds.

Conductor splits us up into three thirds to make us learn our words.

We are the very model of the Operatic chorus sops

Who keep the show a buzzing on the stage until the

curtain drops.

We’ve learnt our words, we know our thirds but now it is

finale time

Our brains go pop, the words now stop but never mind

we’ll use some mime.

Yes, we still keep the show a buzzing on the stage til

curtain drops.

‘Cos we’re the very model of the operatic chorus sops!

 

LIKE IT?

More poems will appear soon along with the fabulous illustrations by Denise Horn.

 

you can pre-order the book by emailing details to dcastle32@talktalk.net

My debut, Grandma’s  Poetry Book, is available by post via dcastle32@talktalk.net or on my website http://www.dicastle.co.uk .

This poetry collection spans sixteen years capturing the experience of a first-time grandmother on her sometimes wobbly journey in her new role. It includes many facets of unmissable moments and childhood milestones, some humorous and others more poignant, even sad.  Such treasured times can easily be forgotten so the book acts as a nostalgic memoir. Touching and funny in turn, readers will be reminded of the joys of witnessing childhood development and the effect o n their own lives. Even those yet to reach grandparenthood including fathers, aunties and primary school children have already enjoyed reading this book. Grandma’s Poetry Book makes an ideal gift for new grandparents, birthdays, Christmas and Mothers’ Day and many readers have returned to buy more copies for friends and relations. Each poem has its own laugh-out-loud illustration by an artist who has been likened to E H Sheppard.

Some comments have included ‘Pam Ayres meets Winnie the Pooh’, ‘made me laugh, made me cry’, ‘charming book’ and ‘every grandparent should have one’.

OUT SOON  SHOULD I WEAR FLORAL and other poems on Life, Love and Leaving, By Di Castle and illustrated by Denise Horn.

You can follow me on twitter @dinahcas and on Facebook   https://www.facebook.com/pages/Di-Castle-Writer/266866193324409